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Fear the thing that knocks in the night: “The Babadook”
Children’s books are terrifying, aren’t they? I don’t know about the ones they write today, but the ones I had to read a kid seemed designed solely to impress upon children that the Universe is a...
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Mirror, mirror on the wall…why are you trying to kill my family? “Oculus”
Mirrors are horrifying, right? Well, no. No, they’re really not. They’re just sort of there. They reflect us in all our imperfections, and…uh…aw screw it. They’re just mirrors. Making a mirror...
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Harry Potter becomes a goat (sort of…not really) “Horns”
Alexandre Aja’s adaptation of Joe Hill’s novel Horns isn’t exactly a horror movie. Instead, it’s more of a supernatural mystery, or perhaps an enquiry into gossamer-thin ties that bind us into a...
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Just don’t taunt the Bigfoot: “Willow Creek”
Okay, this is going to be a brief one since Willow Creek is a pretty slight movie, clocking in at a measly 77 minutes. Wait, really? 77 minutes? There are episodes of Doctor Who that run longer than...
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Just stay out of the woods already! “The Hunted”
Why do people go into the woods? Does anything good ever happen there? On the evidence of cinema I’d have to say no, nothing good ever happens in the woods. I mean aside from ticks, mosquitos,...
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In Hollywood, even the ghosts are famous: “The Black Dahlia Haunting”
The case of the Black Dahlia is one of the most famous unsolved murder cases in history, and it’s not difficult to understand why. The killing of Elizabeth Short, aka The Black Dahlia, was so savage,...
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Portrait of the vampire as a young impaler: “Dracula Untold”
Dracula Untold. Wow. Just wow. I didn’t think they gave movies this mind-breakingly stupid a theatrical release. I mean, this should be embarrassedly shuffled into Redbox and VOD, while the creative...
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Total system failure: “Terminator: Genisys”
[NOTE: This reviews contains some spoilers, though nothing that wasn’t given away in the trailers for the film. Still, if you’re totally unspoiled about Terminator: Genisys you may want to avoid this...
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From the mists of time: “I, the Jury”
It’s tempting to call 1982’s I, the Jury a sleazy, pulpy , mercenary adaptation of Mickey Spillane’s 1947 novel, but that would ignore just how sleazy and pulpy Spillane’s novel is in the first...
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The machine apocalypse is…not so bad, really: “Robot Overlords”
Robot Overlords is the kind of movie that makes you look twice at the poster to assure yourself that, yes, this is a thing. This is a thing that exists right now. Someone made a low-budget movie about...
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Repost: “Mega Shark vs. Mecha Shark”
So we come to it at last: the final chapter in the Mega Shark trilogy. It’s been a long, emotionally-wrought journey, as we followed this cartilage-framed anti-hero from the ice of the Arctic ocean...
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Humanity’s greatest artistic achievement? Maybe. “Mega Shark Versus Kolossus”
Well, it seems rumors of the Mega Shark’s demise were greatly exaggerated, as the good folks at The Asylum Pictures have dusted him off for yet another outing. Either these god-awful movies are more...
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From the mists of time: “Wolfen”
1981 was a banner year for werewolf movies. I’m sure there’s a perfectly fascinating thesis to be written about why this was the case—maybe it was a reaction to beard-friendly ‘70s, maybe it had...
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Proof that in the ’90s anything could get green-lit: “Destiny Turns on the...
1995’s Destiny Turns on the Radio is one of those movies that, for a long time, I just assumed I’d imagined. After all, there couldn’t possibly be a movie in which Quentin Tarantino plays a...
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Because we haven’t suffered enough: “Hitman: Agent 47”
So, this is really happening, huh? We actually have a remake/reboot/further installment of the Hitman, uh, franchise (please God tell me we don’t have to call it a franchise). This despite the fact...
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From the Mists of Time: “Fire Birds”
Believe it or not, there was a time when we, the movie going public, did not yet realize that Nicolas Cage was nuts. Nope, it’s true. Hindsight being 20/20, the signs were there—I give you...
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Repost: “Poltergeist”
Of all the mysteries that surround Poltergeist—the identity of the actual director, the rash of deaths that’s followed the film series—the most confounding may be how dramatically it fell off the...
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They’re here…again: “Poltergeist (2015)”
Back in my 2012 review of the original Poltergeist, I noted that that it was somewhat strange that a movie as popular as that one hadn’t yet been remade, repurposed, or otherwise strip-mined. And then...
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Maybe he should have ridden into that sunset a little earlier: “McQ”
So, here’s an obscure little artifact: a gritty ‘70s urban thriller called McQ starring John Wayne. Never heard of it? Well, don’t fret. You don’t exactly having a gaping chasm in your cinematic...
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Arliss Howard also pwns! “Plain Clothes”
This is the latest in my “pwns!” series in which I extol the virtues of under-recognized or under-appreciated actors. Previous installments covered Stephen McHattie and Bob Hoskins. And now for a...
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