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RIP Anton Yelchin: “Fright Night”
You know Hollywood is deep in the Dead Horse Seas of creative bankruptcy when they remake a movie like 1985’s Fright Night. I mean, it’s not like the movie was any kind of a high water mark of ‘80s...
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Invade me twice, shame on me: “Independence Day: Resurgence”
1996’s Independence Day was a perfect summer movie. It had a big budget, eye-popping special effects, arresting visuals, and some charismatic actors. Also, it was dumber than a retarded opossum,...
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Bozo breaks bad: “Clown”
Check out my video review of 2016’s (or 2014’s…or 2010’s) Clown directed by Jon Watts, who I refer to as Joe Watts, because I’m a moron).
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Shredded like cheese: “The Legend of Tarzan”
Have a gander at my video review of The Legend of Tarzan, in which a hyper-shredded Swede saves Africa with the help of a bunch of bad CGI animals. While you’re at it, check out my review of the...
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CGI Hellhounds Will Eat Your Face (or maybe they won’t): “The Bye Bye Man”
Well, it’s January—that time of the year when Hollywood wakes from the booze-and-coke-fueled bender it went on to celebrate the holiday releases, squints bleary-eyed at all of dopes looking to buy...
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REPOST: Milla Jovovich (and husband) will eat your brain! “Resident Evil:...
[In preparation for Resident Evil: The Final Chapter I thought I’d repost some of my reviews of earlier installments…you know, so you’re all caught up on the labyrinthine mythology of this series.]...
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REPOST: Return of the living (brain) dead franchise: Resident Evil: Retribution”
[In preparation for Resident Evil: The Final Chapter I thought I’d repost some of my reviews of earlier installments…you know, so you’re all caught up on the labyrinthine mythology of this series.]...
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Rage, rage against the dying of the…eh, never mind: “Resident Evil: The Final...
Since it’s got the word final right there in the title, I have to assume that Resident Evil: The Final Chapter is indeed the last installment of this brain-dead franchise to grace the silver screen....
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Only two super powers could make something this gloriously stupid: “The Great...
Not since a giant robot used an oil tanker as a baseball bat to club a sea monster into submission in Pacific Rim has a movie embraced its own glorious dumbness with as much aplomb as The Great Wall....
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The alien space-octopus will eat your ass: “Life”
Life arrives just in time to offer itself up as a corrective to the critically-adored The Arrival—a movie everyone went gaga over, despite its ludicrous premise. I mean, let’s be realistic here:...
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